Sensitivity, planning key to hosting foreign clients

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Boston Business Journal - August 12-18, 2005

Sensitivity, planning key to hosting foreign clients

Lauren Mackler once hosted a contingent of Swedish businesspeople who were "absolutely aghast" at the size of portions served in American Restaurants.

Hospitality / Client Entertaining

pp 34,38

Written By Mary K. Pratt - Special to the Journal

Imagine losing a multimillion-dollar deal because you're five minutes late for dinner.

Five minutes might not seem like a big deal here, but for the Northern Europeans hosting the meal, that tardiness can be a deal-breaker.

"It's just considered absolutely rude," said Peter Post, director of the Emily Post Institute in Burlington, Vt. "But if it was in a Latin American country, it would be a different ball game."

Business might be global, but expectations remain parochial. That's quite clear when dinnertime rolls around.

"A lot of business happens over food. And if you don't know what you're doing and you don't have proper manners, one slip-up can mean (the end of) a business deal or a business relationship," said Lauren L. Mackler, CEO of Lauren Mackler & Associates LLC, an executive management and consulting firm in Newton.

Consultants and experienced executives confirmed that businesspeople still make mistakes when wining and dining their non-American customers, clients and partners. But they also stressed that some preliminary research paired with heartfelt sincerity could send those international misunderstandings packing.

Samantha von Sperling, owner and director of Polished Social Image Consultants in Boston, said Americans generally don't score well when it comes to proper dining etiquette.

"There are countless faux pas made, and I'm embarrassed to report that the error is usually on the side of Americans. What turns foreigners off the most is the lack of protocol and table manners that American businesspeople have. I constantly hear complaints about it," she said.

Von Sperling coaches private clients and gives corporate seminars on topics such as dining etiquette. She teaches people how to hold their knives and forks properly and other general rules of etiquette -- that men should stand when women arrive at or leave the table, for example. Maybe that rule doesn't fly in America, she said, but foreigners still want to see it.

Many foreign businesspeople also want more formality, even when they're breaking bread together, von Sperling said. For example, Americans are often too quick to call someone by a first name.

Consider some of the real-life problems encountered by businesspeople hosting and attending international business dinners.

Mackler recounted the time she hosted Swedish businesspeople who were "absolutely aghast at the portions" they received at an upscale country club. American portions, as a rule, are much larger than meals served elsewhere in the world.

Jean Manasian, owner of Manasian Inc., an integrated marketing communications agency in Waltham, remembered waiting at a restaurant for 40 minutes with three business colleagues for a group of six German clients only to learn the hostess had not understood that the Germans were part of the same group of diners. Could it have happened with Americans? Maybe, Manasian said, but language and cultural differences certainly played a role in that mix-up.

There are plenty of other potential pitfalls. For example, von Sperling said, showing the sole of your foot to someone from the Middle East is considered extremely rude. Carelessly handling business cards could be considered rude to Asians, Post explained. Refusing to taste food ordered by foreign hosts could be insulting, Mackler added.

"Preparation is really important," Mackler said. Even a single gesture that shows you appreciate their culture can go a long way in fostering better international dealings.

Nancy Shilepsky, a founding partner at law firm Shilepsky O'Connell LLP in Boston, uses a little stealth when planning for a dinner meeting.

"Here's how you do it: You have your assistant call that person's assistant," she said. Assistants, who should be trained to handle such matters, are usually explicit about their bosses' preferences.

"That rule is a cross-cultural rule, making sure your boss is in a situation where he or she is comfortable," Shilepsky said, adding that assistants can fax or e-mail menus from potential meeting spots to get approval in advance.

Some etiquette rules apply regardless of clients' national origins. Mackler said hosts should remember to let guests order first, avoid or at least limit alcohol, and pass up messy and hard-to-eat foods such as lobster or ribs. You don't want your meal to take precedence over the conversation.

Be mindful of geography, too. Manasian said she picks restaurants close to her guests' hotels so they don't have to try to navigate too many tricky Boston streets. She opts for places she has tried before, so she can offer advice on menu choices. And she calls ahead to give the host staff names and details to avoid any confusion.

Manasian has also mastered pacing the meal, too. She leans toward ordering wine for the table, which keeps people from lingering over cocktails too long (a tendency in some cultures). She often orders appetizers for the table, too, to keep the pace balanced as well as familiar -- she pointed out that Japanese dinners often feature several rounds of appetizers.

Experience, Manasian and others said, will help just about any executive get a handle on dining with foreigners. Books and seminars can help, too.

But Post said people should also remember that being a gracious host isn't necessarily about picking the perfect restaurant or using the proper fork.

"Treating people with respect, consideration and honesty -- that's really the key," he said. "And sincerity is an important part of it, that the things you're doing are coming from the heart."

This Story ran in The Boston Business Journal, pages 34 and 38, August 12th, 2005.

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